I'm thinking about having a monthly highlight on a mental disorder, but most likely I'll forget about it and never do it again.
But that's just life, isn't it?
- Not really. -
I thought I'd spew some cool sounding words, and string them into something that looks impressive before I get into all of the funny stuff. (Yes, funny stuff. Your eyes haven't deceived you. Of course, if the subject material isn't found witty, I'll pay for my crimes dearly )
(Interesting note: On Wikipedia, the little picture in the corner is the two drama masks representing comedy and tragedy. I find this hilarious )
Anywho, Bipolar is a mental illness classified as a mood disorder by a board of people wearing white coats. (Psychiatrists silly, not jugglers). The staple of this illness is mania, or intense euphoria, irritation, or other long-ish words (Not really, but you probably guessed, so these brackets were unnecessary). This illness was aptly named, "two poles" because your mood will yo-yo from the highest number on your number scale (Psychiatrists and Psychologists both love numbers. Yeah, you know who you are) to the lowest at an irritating pace. Some symptoms include slashed tires, a TP'd house, your car wrapped in tin foil and sardines, and black eyes. Of course, these spawn more from the stupid shit you do when you're experiencing a mood high, than actually from the high itself. (Black eyes come from your wife when you buy a second house on your way home from work). In all non-seriousness mania is pretty self explanatory (You can tell because it just sounds out of control, and here and there and here and there, and a number of Katy Perry songs... Stuff like that). After an exhilarating period of actually getting things done however, there's the not-so-fun part of Bipolar where you crash faster than a dolphin that just jumped out of the sea onto dry land because it was drunk. Ehhh... You get the idea.
Here's the fiction usually associated with Bipolar, in a convenient bullet list (Because I'm nice)
* Bipolar is just another name for mood swings (No you fools, you think mood swings get to have a cooler other name? No. No bone for you )
*Bipolar people suck (BIPOLAR PEOPLE ARE COOL YOU JERKS.) - This one has emotions swimming all around it. Ignore it, I just wanted to call everyone a jerk :P -
* Mania = happy (When I was semi-serious, I brushed over this. It can be happiness, but it can also be irritation. When the mania hits, some people actually feel frightened because they feel as if they're losing their grip on things. And that's due to the fact that they are. (Interpret my own personal bias at risk of your eyeballs popping out))
*If you have bipolar, you look like Dr. Jekyll ( Go away)
*There is a bipolar test ( If you answered mostly "A" I have some bad news... )
Before the fun stuff, I got my information from WebMD, Wikipedia, and various people who were diagnosed. Yeah. So if it sounded smart, it was one of those sources ;)
(If I got anything wrong, make sure to give me a chance to right this grievous error by telling me, but don't forget your proof. Unless you're one of three people. Then you can just box my ears and tell me what to fix.)
Now for the funny stuff! To sum Bipolar up in a pretty sentence for one of the people I talked to, it was
"I said I would make a hundred of WHAT?"
- That's probably in reference to the euphoria of being able to do things, and then crashing down -. Another way of putting it would be "Your mouth wrote a check that your ass doesn't want to pay", but... the first one is funnier. The bipolar people I know are insane, and cut Sexy Butter Indians out from the Land O'Lakes butter package. (Instructions on how to make your own will be at the end of this post) They may have many large instruments in their homes, and still will desire more. They paint massive oil paintings with a liiiiiiiiiittle brush, and use color pastels and gold leaf to make school craft projects. And if you forgot making giant three dimensional 12 point stars out of wrapping paper, you should do yo' research, dawg. To sum all of these people up in one word, it would be hilarious. Hilarious, because you CAN'T. (I dare you to try. DARE )
Sexy butter Indian instructions
step 1 Buy Land-O-Lakes butter. No substitutions or you will not get the desired results.
step 2 Eat the butter. You want to make sure there is no butter in the package
step 3 Using a pair of scissors (pinking shears are acceptable) carefully cut the Indian from the package
step 4 Using an exacto blade carefully cut along the sides and bottom of the butter carton the Indian is holding to make a sort of flap
step 5 Carefully fold the knees of the Indian so they are positioned behind the flap. This will take two folds so the knees face forward.
step 6 lift the flap and laugh hysterically
step 7 get help
*** Bonus, for the truly gifted: Keep one on hand at all times, so you can harass people in grocery stores by asking "Have you ever wondered what's behind the butter?" A German accent is required ***
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