Rebellion: 15 classy ways to free yourself from opression.

Disclaimer: I am a blogger, not a specialist. Not only am I devoid of a degree, I am devoid of a fully mature brain, muscles, a BAC below 2.5, a sense of humor, and discretion about things that may or may not be said (refer to the comment about blood alcohol content). If, by following my advice you experience the wonder of a black eye by an irritated individual, know that it isn't my fault.
(It's not my fault because I wrote this. I win.)

The post color of the day is a bright blue to give you courage. If it doesn't, then you obviously haven't looked at it hard enough.

Do you feel oppressed by parents who just seem to be ruining your life? Do they force you to do chores, get grades above an F, and not let you wear that hooker outfit for "Future Job" day? The mere mention of all of the above transgressions must make your blood boil! I mean, it's not like they were teens too! This is your life, and they shouldn't interfere with it! I mean, you definitely know what's best for you, and you also know for a fact that last possible love interest shouldn't have been glared at just because of his signs of rebellion! In fact, YOU should rebel too! But do it in a way that you come out on top no matter what! Piercing your face 'till you look like swiss cheese with the complimentary tattoos isn't going to cut it because piercings can be ripped out, and sanders will take care of those expensive ink doodles of a T-rex eating pizza. No, you need a devious plan that will show them who's in charge. You need what I offer.
I offer you 15 cutting edge methods to show those darn parents that you are right.
But know that these methods will do something much better than a dissertation about why you should be able to go to the prom with your new beau, "Hannibal the Cannibal". These will make them feel the world is out to get them, and they will assess their life choices with a microscope, and see where they went wrong.



1.) Squirt out all of their toothpaste and fill the tube with hemorrhoid ointment.

2.) Pepper their female and man panties.

3.) Randomly decide you want to learn The Song That Never Ends on the fife, and practice until you have it down cold.

4.) Mix guano in with their coffee grounds. (Makes for a shitty cup of coffee)

5.) Switch all of the cat figurines in the house with dog ones. (and vice versa)

6.) Strategically shave one of their faces into the family pets butt fluff.

7.) Re-stuff the pillows with a fluff and Scrapple mixture.

8.) Open her tampons, dust them with Cayenne pepper, and re-seal them. (Mom) Blend bleu cheese and water together and mix liberally into his hair gel. (Dad)

9.) Grease the bottoms of their shoes with duck fat.

10.) Replace the razor head of the nose trimmer with a braider tip.

11.) Remove all of the songs on their CD's and replace them with fart noises.

12.) Stuff the DVD player with strawberry strudel cake.

13.) Dump the beer out of the bottles, and refill with apple juice (0% for best reaction)

14.) Grind wasabi beans and add them to the exfoliating body wash.

15.) Let the cat lick their chapstick.



So go out and show them your fighting spirit!

Procrastination: The Magical Death of a Teenager

This post has been sponsored by the tears of my classmates, which is why I've chosen a deeper blue. Feel the sadness in their hearts from this shade, and know that I've been working hard to achieve a certain level of misery in the classroom. 

Back to the topic that wasn't really on hand and yet was on the same time... Procrastination. I find this to be one of the sweetest bitter deaths life has to offer. Now I say sweetly bitter because the bitter is simply masked by the sweet, and it is done very effectively. I figured that this topic would be appropriate considering... I haven't written anything all month.

Bummer, huh?

- The above sentence was meant to be read with a valley girl accent. Try again -

Not only does procrastination have malignant short term effects (Not doing homework, not brushing teeth, not getting out of bed, the big scary monster wearing leather pants in your nightmare saying he'll kill you tomorrow etc...), it has long term effects such as failing classes, your nightmares not being mare-ish, a very aggravated parental figure, smug little punks laughing at your supposed stupidity, and rickets.

Just kidding about the rickets.

Perhaps.

... This is about the fourth time I've gotten sidetracked while writing this, but I've put it off for long enough.
That right there is an example of willpower.

Doesn't it look weak?

That's because it is.

Trying to force yourself out of procrastination is like trying to convince a rabid rabbit to not feast on your flesh.

The lull of the computer as it whirs away... I'm pretty sure it has the same effect as beer does to a German. At least, it does for me. I'm not sure what your inhibitors are, but mine is the vortex known as the Internet. 
Did you know I'm using this post about procrastination as a way to procrastinate?
Try and wrap your minds around that.

You failed, didn't you?

It's all right.

Before I run aground again, I'm going to wrap this choppy post up with a final note:

That was it.

I believe that was a troll.

But seriously, Procrastination effects millions of people on the internet everyday. If you feel a loved one may be ensnared in this trap, don't wait. It's best to forcibly wrench them from their inhibitor, jam their hands through pikes, and call for help. The longer they are under the effects of procrastination, the smaller their chances of survival are.

So be a somewhat crappy friend, and help them.

And then go finish that level of Skyrim, silly!

Those mountains aren't going to climb themselves.