Disclaimer: I am a blogger, not a specialist. Not only am I devoid of a degree, I am devoid of a fully mature brain, muscles, a BAC below 2.5, a sense of humor, and discretion about things that may or may not be said (refer to the comment about blood alcohol content). If, by following my advice you experience the wonder of a black eye by an irritated individual, know that it isn't my fault.
(It's not my fault because I wrote this. I win.)
The post color of the day is a bright blue to give you courage. If it doesn't, then you obviously haven't looked at it hard enough.
Do you feel oppressed by parents who just seem to be ruining your life? Do they force you to do chores, get grades above an F, and not let you wear that hooker outfit for "Future Job" day? The mere mention of all of the above transgressions must make your blood boil! I mean, it's not like they were teens too! This is your life, and they shouldn't interfere with it! I mean, you definitely know what's best for you, and you also know for a fact that last possible love interest shouldn't have been glared at just because of his signs of rebellion! In fact, YOU should rebel too! But do it in a way that you come out on top no matter what! Piercing your face 'till you look like swiss cheese with the complimentary tattoos isn't going to cut it because piercings can be ripped out, and sanders will take care of those expensive ink doodles of a T-rex eating pizza. No, you need a devious plan that will show them who's in charge. You need what I offer.
I offer you 15 cutting edge methods to show those darn parents that you are right.
But know that these methods will do something much better than a dissertation about why you should be able to go to the prom with your new beau, "Hannibal the Cannibal". These will make them feel the world is out to get them, and they will assess their life choices with a microscope, and see where they went wrong.
1.) Squirt out all of their toothpaste and fill the tube with hemorrhoid ointment.
2.) Pepper their female and man panties.
3.) Randomly decide you want to learn The Song That Never Ends on the fife, and practice until you have it down cold.
4.) Mix guano in with their coffee grounds. (Makes for a shitty cup of coffee)
5.) Switch all of the cat figurines in the house with dog ones. (and vice versa)
6.) Strategically shave one of their faces into the family pets butt fluff.
7.) Re-stuff the pillows with a fluff and Scrapple mixture.
8.) Open her tampons, dust them with Cayenne pepper, and re-seal them. (Mom) Blend bleu cheese and water together and mix liberally into his hair gel. (Dad)
9.) Grease the bottoms of their shoes with duck fat.
10.) Replace the razor head of the nose trimmer with a braider tip.
11.) Remove all of the songs on their CD's and replace them with fart noises.
12.) Stuff the DVD player with strawberry strudel cake.
13.) Dump the beer out of the bottles, and refill with apple juice (0% for best reaction)
14.) Grind wasabi beans and add them to the exfoliating body wash.
15.) Let the cat lick their chapstick.
So go out and show them your fighting spirit!
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